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If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard
I reckon I’d make a great male escort, don’t you think so?
I’d have a significant amount of pennies.
What’s your point/the problem? I hear you ask. Well, there are several, to be honest.
For starters, the men who have the most unshakeable belief that they would be perfect male escorts, tend to be the ones who are 5’2”, average looking and (most importantly) humourless little personality vacuums. It’s a bit X-Factor (No, I don’t bloody watch it, but I’ve seen a few of the auditions). The ones who shout the loudest about how great they are turn out to be tone deaf and couldn’t carry a tune in a sodding wheelbarrow.
Whilst I won’t say there is no market for straight male escorts, I will tell you that it is a teeny tiny market and it is awash with bright eyed hopefuls. As far as I know, even the successful guys do it part time and have another job to pay the rent. My guess (and that’s all it is) would be that there is a small demand for two types of male escort.
The thing is though, that in general, women don’t want the first type to be a charade. We want a man to be all of those things to us because he wants to be. Not because we’ve just handed him a wad of twenties. The exception (of course) being school reunions or other gatherings which will include every snotty, snide, judgemental bitch we’ve ever wanted to get one up on, in which case we don’t care as long as they’re all dripping with jealousy. Unfortunately, by the time we are old enough and financially in the right place to go for the second type, an awful lot of women would be mortified to get naked in the company of a buff young man, just in case he is thinking “Oh my GOD! You’re so old and quite frankly a bit saggy!”. I mean, it’s all good fun until you catch him reaching for the Viagra and then there’ll be tears before bedtime, you mark my words. However, there’s always good lingerie, so ladies, if you happen to stumble across this post. Get yourself down to La Senza (other lingerie shops are available), get your twenties out and bloody go for it girl. You only live once, after all.
Anyway, the point I was going to make, which has got completely lost in an avalanche of waffle, is this. Boys, go for it if you want, but don’t rely on it for income. For instance, my ex – a tall strapping chap, pretty good looking, in his early 30s at the time – advertised his services. He’d seen what I was earning and decided that he wanted in on the action. He never made a sodding penny. Nothing. Not so much as an email or a call. Not even a timewaster. However, he missed a trick. He was bisexual and if he’d announced that in his advertising, things may have turned out very differently. And THAT dear wannabe Male Escorts & Male Masseurs for Ladies from Gayescorts.com. You wanna be a male escort? Fine, you go for it sweetie.
You wanna make real money as a male escort? Lube up, bend over and take one for the team!
¹ I have been wrong before. 26th February 1997, if you must know.
² If Colin Firth ever does advertise his services, I will be going for a long booking faster than you can say “Hey! Who emptied the ISA?”