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This article is from my own blog which is new and also a work in progress (this is the first post). I know it is probably a controversial article but certainly it is a discussion piece and reflects a little on how I view my work and probably how many sex workers of any gender or sexual orientation also think about their work. I look forward to comments. Enjoy
You can read my personal blog “here>
Posted on November 1, 2010 by DFHarlot
I have worked for 11 years as a male whore. I have made my living mostly from kissing straight men. My clients; you see predominantly identify as straight men. Most are married.
I like married men. Married men are easy and comfortable about what they are doing and what they require/want from me. They do not want a relationship or any social contact other than during the time they pay for my company. I like this. I want them as friends by the hour (or less or more depending) who will enjoy my company, want good sex and then leave.
I do not want love. I have love. I am already married to a man with whom I have all the familiarity and love that any full relationship can offer and I do not want that compromised.
Some people ask that if I am so happily married why do I do sex work, is my partner not jealous. I tell the truth. I do sex work because I like money and because I have a very high sex drive. For me doing sex work is to be paid for doing something I really enjoy. For me sex work is a perfect combination of pleasure with profit.
My partner understands that sex work is work, nothing more. It gives me pleasure, gives others pleasure and it contributes financially to our joint income. He also trusts me and I him.
The public pretend not to understand sex work and its detachment from emotional involvement. I suggest that this refusal to accept that sex can be both pleasurable and fulfilling with out any emotional attachment perhaps reflects a self perpetuating, perhaps even psychological self harming guilt trip that persists within society which blinkers itself to the failings of monogamy.
The reasons for this refusal to acknowledge the failings of monogamy are complex. Could it be that for society to acknowlege the failing of monogamous and heterosexual marriage would also perhaps undermine the foundations upon which our culture is built ?
We also have many powerful institutions within our society that have a vested interests in maintaining the status quo. These institution use their authority to perpetuate no only the idealism of monogamy and the institution of marriage but also the myths that surround the institution. The result is that the public, including minority groups such as gay men and women, just find it easier to aquiesque and perpetuate old idealisms of loving perfection rather than chalenge the status quo and publicly acknowledge the emotional complexity that many face when dealing with sometimes complicated sex lives.
Sex workers provide one way of dealing with these problems. Sex workers are the imperfection that help to maintain the façade of normality and happiness behind which so many hide. You may hate us but can you do without us?
Love and sex with marriage as the cement that binds two people in sexual/loving domestic bliss is a fantasy for most and for some a cruel fantasy. This does not stop all of us desiring this perfection which we are told is the only thing that will bring us “true” happiness. Sex we are warned outside the confines of a loving relationship is not only less but perhaps even harmful and damaging to us both individually and as communities.
The reality however for many, if not most married/monogamous couples; is often very different to this fairy tale fantasy that so many strive to achieve. For most people, life and relationships are a succession of small, medium and sometimes bloody huge compromises that allow us all to compartmentalise our lives into manageable and viable segments. Sex like most things in life is about compromising our needs with the reality of our situation.
And so this is why I like married men. I am their little compartmentalised cock festival. I am their escape from the pressures they face to be men in a world that still evolves around old paternal idealisms about heterosexual monogamy and more importantly heterosexual notions of maleness.
Yes men can scratch their balls, have sly looks at other men in the changing rooms, tell each other rude stories and pat each other familiarly on the back. This is safe, trained, engineered behaviour. Men have been taught how far they can go to release their sexual/emotional steam within the confines of prescribed behaviour that actually stifles and entraps them further into conformity. Being a man is hard in a society that expects so much yet allows so few freedoms.
I allow married men to let their dark lusts run free and unchecked for a time. I take away their stresses before they return to heterosexual bliss in the arms of their wife (or girlfriend/partner). I like all sex workers, male, female and trans men and women provide safe diversions for men (and women) to escape and indulge their sexual fantasies for a short time before returning to society less stressed and perhaps even more loving and caring. I Hope so.