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This piece was sent to me by a client who asked that it be published to explain a little from the clients perspective on why he and others use the services of sex workers. In the present climate it is fashionable for clients to be demonised by some feminists and some areas of government and the media. I think this article gives a little insight into the world of clients and goes a little way to redress the image of the client as abuser.
I have written this article to explain why I use the services of sex workers. Everyone has different reasons of course but this is mine and I am sure my experiences are very similar to those of other clients.
I am writing this article to explain why I started and continue to use the services of sex workers. To help understand the context I provide some brief biographical information..
Men visit sex workers for all kind of reasons, lack of sexual partners, lack of opportunity to meet others outside of work, shyness, feelings of inadequacy, the need for new experiences, to act out fantasies and disability. This article is a description of my own personal reasons and experiences of visiting sex workers, and should in no way be seen to apply to other clients in commercial sex.
First lets say a little bit about myself. I am 55, happily married with a grown up family who have left home. At home I still have a good sex life, making love several times a week to my wife, and more when the stress of work does not interfere, for instance when we are away on holiday. I had been monogamous all my life, only ever having sex with my one and only partner. I have worked in the computer industry all my life, mainly in the office but occasionally visiting clients for the day, and some times travelling abroad.
My work changed six years ago, when I became a consultant, and was spending the whole week out of the office on customer sites. In particular I found myself working almost full time for five years in one major city of Britain away from home. After six months of this, and most of my colleagues were going onto other projects, a feeling of boredom and lack of social company pervaded my life.
It was at this point I took the plunge into commercial sex. Looking back there were several reasons, boredom, no one to talk to in the evenings, the opportunity and a tremendous feeling of curiosity. Had I been missing something all my life, would the experience of sexual intercourse with another women be different. I had reached the age of 50 (mid life crisis time) and felt I really should try something different before it was too late. Once I had started thinking about sex with another women, the thought became more and more compelling.
Where I was working it was fairly easy to gain access to commercial sex, there were a multitude of saunas in that city, and at the time the women working in them were reviewed on Punternet. Yes I knew about Punternet, a colleague had shown several of us the website several years before. Access to commercial sex was then very easy whilst working in that city. I won’t go into details of the experience, other than to say it was a kind of out of body experience. I felt I was looking down on my self while I made love to this gorgeous German girl. The memory of this first time is still as strong today
For a long time I settled into a routine, once a week visit to the Sauna, and then onto to have dinner and a drink before finishing in a music bar. The Sauna part became a very important event of the week. It was not just about the sex (which was important and tremendously enjoyable and varied as you would expect from a professional), but also the company of many women and clients for a couple of hours. Yes it filled in a period of time where I could get to chat and listen to the life experiences of the sex workers and the clients. Yes a relationship did build up between us and we could talk about most things, which I would be embarrassed to talk about to anyone else. I remember one woman saying she felt more like a councillor than a sex worker with many of her clients. The few years I worked in that city made me understand more about human relationships, sex and love than all of the previous years of my life. Those days are now an important part of my life.
I talk as if commercial sex is now no longer part of my life. That is not the case. I still am in the market for commercial sex, and wherever I travel I look for someone to spend some time with. Now it tends to be Independents Escorts. This is partly because I cannot recreate the Sauna scene of that major city, where women and their clients would sit and chat before we each choose our partner and disappeared into the private rooms. Instead now I am sat in an anonymous room and shown one woman after another, or I check from a menu and decide whom to spend some time with. In these brothels I don’t get to build that relationship I yearn for, or have the opportunity to fill in an evening with laughter.
The Independent Escort is someone I can build a relationship with, through the Internet before the meeting, someone I can maybe take for dinner, and someone I can meet several times. One prime example of this would be in another city where I met the same women several times, sometimes for sex, sometimes just for dinner and mostly for both. We both became quite well related to each other, would try different things in bed, and visit different restaurants, and different pubs, learning from each other.
This year I had several day liaison with this women, when I bought her a ticket to Glastonbury so we could share a festival together under canvas. The thought occurred last year, and I bought the tickets in January. Making a booking so long ahead requires commitment and trust on both sides of the bargain. It was very romantic and exciting for both of us, not the normal words most people would expect to use in commercial sex. Why did I do this? I wanted to go to Glastonbury, it was something my partner would not enjoy, and I needed someone to share the experience with. Needless to say the escort was pleased to go, she had always wanted to go to Glastonbury. From our previous times together we had discussed the types of music we each enjoyed. There were similarities and differences in our likes. The whole shared experience became more enjoyable than if we had each gone on our own, each of us adding our own personality to the festival. I saw parts of the festival I would not have gone to if left to my own devices, and would have been poorer for it. Since then we have shared our pictures and thoughts about the festival.
To summarise, my first reasons to buy sex was very much because I felt I was missing out on some of the enjoyment of sex. Most of my sex at home was very much run of the mill, enjoyable but no little kinks like a bit of Tie and Tease. No oral sex either receiving or giving, no parties, no threesomes. In commercial sex I have been a seeker of variety, from 20 year olds through to women in their late 50’s. I have been looking for different experiences, group sex, water sports, anal, mild domination and I am still experimenting.
I have continued because the sex with professionals who know what they are doing is very enjoyable, there are still aspects I want to explore. I continue because I have found some well-motivated and astute women, and some very intelligent and articulate women who I want to get to know better and share time with. Yes I will be taking another women to another different festival next year. Tickets have already been purchased and dates set in our diaries.
The final point though with commercial sex, is at the end of the day, you can turn around and walk out of that door, and there will be no come back from your temporary partner. Having an affair with a non-commercial sex worker would lead to complications where the partner could become attached to you. In the main the transaction is anonymous and both of you have something to lose if the liaison became public.
Commercial sex has allowed me to build up many friendships over the course of years. Even friends I have made through the net in cities I have not yet visited. I feel now I can visit almost anywhere in the UK, and there would be someone I could call upon who would fill an otherwise uninteresting evening with humour, laughter and Julie Bindel forbid, some sex. At the end of the day what is wrong in leaving a little present in cash in appreciation of the time that has been set-aside for you. We all like giving gifts to others we appreciate.